You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
