so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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