So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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