I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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