so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
