My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
