Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
