I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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