Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
