I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
