girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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