I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
worst night to have a conscience
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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