I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
