So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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