I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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