How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
foreskin is a definite game changer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
