before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
