AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
