I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
