It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
