I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
