I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
