You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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