I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize