just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
