Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
