Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
