i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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