Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
