spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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