I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
