I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just gift wrapped bread.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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