yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
high people should be assigned attendants
My pussy is not your playground.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
