You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
