dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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