yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
