Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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