I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
