her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
