You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
