May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
