Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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