Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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