Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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