New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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