i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
