I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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