I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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