FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
