i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
