i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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