i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
