He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
