We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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