everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
