that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
