I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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