im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize