I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
