I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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