i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
