we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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