I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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