I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
