I bet he comes in French.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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