I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
