I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
