if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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