you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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