before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
