I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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