i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
