am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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