Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize