i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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