I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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