Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
