she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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