On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
