I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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