K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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