The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
