How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
