i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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