i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
how does that bad decision feel?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
