I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
