i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
