girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
