I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
