just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
